Eagleopolis Falls Amidst Helldivers 2’s Triumph over 2.5 Billion Squids in Battle for Super Earth, Leaving Six Mega Cities to Defend

Alright, so here’s the deal — wanna laugh or cry first? Eh, who cares, let’s dive in. Helldivers 2 just pulled a massive win by wiping out over two billion Illuminate. That’s a lot, right? You’d think that’d solve everything. Surprise! It didn’t stop poor Eagleopolis from biting the dust.

Okay, pause. It’s like everyone and their grandma joined the Helldivers to save the day, but nope, Eagleopolis still got toasted. One of Super Earth’s seven Mega Cities, now just more rubble. Don’t get too down, though. Maybe watch a video of someone riding a Leviathan if you need a pick-me-up. Works for me sometimes, oddly enough.

Earlier, there was a high from the Heart of Democracy update. Everyone was pumped — wipe out 2.5 billion Illuminate. Check! Yay, party time? Nope. Arrowhead’s like, “Bad news, folks. Eagleopolis is toast. Ruined shopping centers everywhere, reminding us what might happen if… you know, we totally blow it.”

Gotta admit, losing one outta seven Mega Cities is a bummer. But hey, the show’s not over. That win did something — a dent in the Illuminate fleet, maybe a little nudge to push them back.

Apparently, the Illuminate fleet is at 49% strength. Super Earth’s gotta buckle up, keep defending. Six Mega Cities left standing, must protect at all costs, yada yada. If a city falls, it’s game over. Can’t just respawn those things, I guess.

So, what’s next? New mission: successful extracts — like 20 million times — against the Illuminate. A shot to the fleet’s virtual health bar, avenge Eagleopolis, all that jazz. Fingers crossed no one’s getting too weird about their SEAF buddies on Reddit. But hey, who am I to judge?

Crying over Eagleopolis? Give me a shout. But seriously, maybe just smile at a Leviathan video instead. Seems like a plan.