I Explored Doom: The Dark Ages for Lore and Found Only Blood and Gore

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So, here’s my random adventure: Doom: The Dark Ages. Yeah, I dove in thinking, “Prequel, perfect, right?” Even with my love for adrenaline-pumping shooters, Doom and Doom Eternal somehow zipped past me—a mystery, honestly. Oh, the 2005 movie? I’ll die on the hill of its glorious awfulness, especially that first-person sequence. So, here I was, neck-deep in the Doom Guy’s backstory, battling my curiosity, ready to drown in lore and demon blood.

Fast forward 10 hours and 22 chapters later? Nada. No clue what happened. But honestly? Who cares. It’s about demon carnage, people.

You step into the Slayer’s boots, the ultimate demon destroyer. The human soldiers? Yeah, they’re kinda useless. But the Slayer? Mass killing machine. Why’s he the best? Who knows. We’ve got demons to smash, my friend.

So, Doomguy’s chilling under lock and key (thanks, Maykrs—alien overlords with a slightly tragic spelling adventure). They’ve got him tucked away on a spaceship, unleashed only when demon numbers get wild, kinda like that brainwashed super soldier vibe. Very Winter Soldier-esque.

In the beginning, before he goes all breakout star, he’s, like, rented out to some medieval-tech-type humans. They battle demonic hordes. Or are they aliens? Earth-ish maybe? Who even knows where this is all happening. Whatever—it’s demon face-smashing time.

So, there he is, showing everyone up by dropping bodies left and right, from up high sometimes (pretty epic if you ask me). Tagging along with some kingdom, they’ve got this doohickey everyone wants to keep from the Big Bad Demon. Not that we’re paying attention with all the slashy-shooty action. Off to Hell and some alien planet… I think? Too many maybes, but you’re busy busting demon heads with a chainsaw shield to really pause and dwell on geography.

Sure, forget story-telling prizes, but Doom: The Dark Ages’ gameplay? Now that deserves a trophy! Parrying, melee moves—it’s refreshing. Upgrade your Doom Slayer and feel like a freaking powerhouse, switching weapons like you’re juggling, from the skullcrusher to the accelerator. Then, oh boy, when you get the BFC—big friendly crossbow, wink wink—demons better be kissing their hideous butts goodbye.

Forget the plot—does it even matter? By the end, you get why demons wear their brown trousers when Doomguy rolls in. You’ve taken their leader, hijacked the big Maykr ship too. He’s their worst nightmare. Like John Wick with a puppy vendetta, just relentless in his demon-killing frenzy.

And why’s he do it, you ask? Yeah, we’re gonna just pause for the chainsaw shield appreciation moment. Enjoy it.